(doo-wop music playing)
Everybody move in.
New kid's about to eat it.
♪ Down by the river, the cool, cool, river ♪
- Any advice? - Yeah, duck.
Don't listen to them, Ricky.
You can do it.
(sighs)
♪ ♪
♪ That's where we met ♪
♪ I never will forget ♪
♪ How he kissed me tenderly ♪
(crashing)
Aw, man.
There goes our ball.
Thanks a lot, new kid.
Hey, where are you guys going?
I can just hop the fence and get it.
Nobody hops that fence.
That's Josh and Lucy's place.
Who are Josh and Lucy?
Legend has it they used to be
a cool, fun couple
that went out all the time.
Then they passed the one year mark,
just totally gave up.
Now they never leave the house.
Never, ever, ever, ever.
They got to go out sometime.
Like if there's a good band in town.
Or to try out that new beer garden on 9th
that just opened and looks cool.
No.
All they ever do is binge-watch shows.
I heard they watched Making a Murderer twice.
If they already know what happens,
why would they watch it again?
Because they're freaks.
You guys are yanking my chain.
If you're so sure about that,
I dare you to go get that ball back.
Oh, man, oh, man, oh, man.
I ain't ever seen a kid die before.
So what you say, Ricky?
Are you scared?
(sighs)
(ominous music)
I ain't scared.
♪ ♪
Got it.
(plastic popping)
(screams) Amazon Prime boxes!
(door opens)
♪ ♪
(screams)
Man.
I thought that was our pad thai.
Yeah.
(downtempo electronic music)
♪ ♪
Ah!
♪ ♪
(squeaks)
♪ ♪
(growls)
♪ ♪
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx www.addic7ed.com
Okay. Watched it.
Watched it.
- Oh! - Mm-mm.
No, we watched it. Yeah.
Whoa, wait, hey, hey.
It's a Ken Burns documentary we haven't seen.
- (gasps) - See, on the bottom.
Shoes: The Sole of the People.
- Oh, my God. - See?
- 14 hours. - We can do that.
You know what? It's 10:00 p.m.
Why don't you and I get a good night's sleep
so we can really pay attention when we watch it tomorrow.
- Mm-hmm, yep. Perfect. - Good.
- Bring her in. - (giggles)
(mimics airplane)
(snores)
(knocking at door)
(yelps)
- (knocking continues) - Josh.
- Who could... - What?
Who-who could it be at this hour?
I don't know, baby, I'll handle it.
- Okay. - It's okay.
(ominous music)
Hey, Luce.
(whispering) What are you doing here?
What do you think we're doing? We're going out.
Yeah?
What's that got to do with me?
We want you to come with us.
I'm sorry, you guys, I'm out of the game.
I built a sweet little life here for myself.
Me and Josh, we got everything we need.
I have HBO Go, Netflix. I have a working SodaStream.
What more could I want?
Come on, Luce. What about the old days?
No one partied like you did.
(scoffs)
You were the best in the biz.
What do you say, old-timer?
You got enough gas left in that tank for one last job?
Is everything okay out there, honey?
Yeah, baby, I'll be in in a minute.
- Thank you. - It's okay.
Look, I'm sorry you wasted your time.
Come on, guys, I guess she doesn't care about dancing.
♪ ♪
Dancing?
Oh, didn't I mention?
It's '90s night at the Groove House.
Not like you'd care, of course.
No, of course not.
♪ ♪
Are they gonna play K-Ci & JoJo?
It's the word on the street.
When it gets late, are they gonna play '80s jams?
Most likely.
And then, presumably, when everyone gets drunk enough,
they'll abandon the theme completely
and play modern hits like Taylor Swift?
Or the Biebs.
Goddamn it, I'm in.
Here's how it's going down:
we hit the club at midnight after the couples
have gone home, but before the singles start throwing up.
Robin's "The Wheels." She'll call the Uber.
Her phone is always fully charged because she never
calls or texts anyone.
It's true.
Chris is "The Fingers."
He'll get the drinks.
He used to be a waiter, so he knows
how to carry a bunch of drinks at once.
Meghan's "The Muscle."
She'll get us in the center of the dance floor
by any means necessary.
I also brought in Chang.
♪ ♪
He's a master contortionist who trained for 16 years
at the Shanghai Circus... he can fold his body
into a box the size of a domestic carry-on.
Whoa. What's his job?
My roommate's the DJ. I can get us all on the list.
- Oh, cool. - Yep.
It's too bad you got rid of all your "going out" tops.
Oh. Did I?
♪ ♪
Wh... what's going on, Lucy?
I'm going out for a bit.
- Dancing. - Oh.
I... I thought those days were behind you.
Honey...
(sultry jazz music)
Listen.
I just got to do this one more time, okay?
Don't you trust me?
Oh, yes, of course I trust you.
I'm just worried about what might happen.
- What's gonna happen? - Well, what if you're hungover?
- Hmm? - Hmm?
What if those shoes give you blisters?
Listen,
don't you worry that pretty little head
about those things, all right?
- I love you. - I love you.
Come here.
Now Mama's got to Macarena.
(Wax Tailor's "I Had a Woman" playing)
♪ He's a lying one ♪
(jazzy electronic music)
♪ Oh ♪
♪ ♪
(phone beeps) _
♪ ♪
♪ She was nice ♪
♪ The loving kind ♪
Hey, I'm on the list.
Chang. With a plus-four.
♪ ♪
(grunting)
(growls)
♪ ♪
(whoops)
- Good to have you back. - (laughs)
- We did it! - ALL: (whoop)
♪ Hey, hey-oh ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Hey, hey-oh ♪
♪ Oh, oh, baby ♪
♪ Hey, hey-oh ♪
♪ Baby ♪
Oh! God, I'm sorry.
Are you okay?
Uh, yeah, don't worry about it.
♪ ♪
Okay.
♪ ♪
Cool phone case.
- Oh, thank you. - Where'd you get it?
Uh, actually, I'm a graphic designer, so I made it.
- Oh, that's awesome. - Thank you.
Actually... weird coincidence,
because I'm looking for a new logo to be designed.
Oh.
I'd love to check out your stuff.
Is it cool if I get your number?
Oh, of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Sure, sure.
Thanks.
♪ ♪
- (chuckles) - For you.
- Lucy. - Yep.
I'm Owen.
- Hi. - Hi.
Hope we see each other soon.
Sure.
♪ ♪
Whoo! Who was that?
That dude's hot as shit.
Oh, no, no, no. That was... that was,
um, different... that was a work thing.
Looks like he's got a real thick dick.
And real thick balls.
♪ ♪
(snoring)
(door opens)
(snoring continues)
Hmm. You're back.
- Hey. - Hey.
How was it?
Oh, it was okay. It was all right.
- Mm? - Yeah.
(soft music)
(phone buzzes)
(snoring)
(phone chimes)
_
NARRATOR (on TV): Few people know that the word "shoe"
comes from the Latin word "shoeus," meaning "to foot."
"Shoeus."
Man, this is really heating up.
Yeah, guess so.
(phone buzzing)
- I'm just gonna... yeah. - Yeah, sure.
Hello?
Lucy, hey, it's Owen.
Hey. Oh, hey, um, what's up?
Look, I know this is super short notice,
but I'd love to get together today to talk about that logo.
I know it's Saturday, so no worries
if you're doing something fun.
Um... uh...
And when Australopithecus
wrapped moss around their feet
and fastened it with bark,
the shoe took its first step.
Holy shit.
Why don't you just text me the address?
- Great. - Okay, bye.
(lively jazz music)
Hey, don't worry, I can rewind it.
I've actually got to go to a work thing.
- On a Saturday? - Yeah.
- Oh, that sucks. - I know, I'm sorry.
(sighs) It's gonna be super boring.
(epic music)
♪ ♪
- Hey, you made it. - Hi, how are you?
- So glad. - Oh, hello.
I'm in dire need of a new logo.
Okay.
Whoa, you're a treasure hunter?
Sounds more exciting than it is, really.
It's just a fancy way of saying
that I'm a gentleman adventurer
who deals in supernatural antiquities.
I don't know if any of this will help with the logo.
Okay, um, well, I brought
- my portfolio, actually. - Oh.
If you want to take a look at some samples.
Great. Oh, wow.
- These are fantastic. - Thank you.
Yeah, you have a real eye for color.
Thank you.
- I'm especially proud... - Oh, this one here.
Yeah, it's really quite...
beautiful.
(romantic music)
I think I'd like something just like this.
♪ ♪
Oh, um...
well, I... oh!
(device chimes)
What the hell?
(device humming)
(whooshing)
So the legends are true.
What is happening?
The great pharaoh Tatenkatesh
buried his vast treasure 3,000 years ago.
It was thought to be lost in the sands of time.
- You just discovered the map. - Whoa.
This is most exciting find in my incredible life.
- Where does the map lead? - To an adventure.
An adventure beyond your wildest dreams.
(phone ringing)
Oh, sorry, I have to take this.
Just one sec, one... real quick.
- Hey. - Hi, hi.
I figured you might be bored at work,
so I thought I'd regale you with a little fact-ola.
While we traditionally think of clogs as wooden,
they were originally made of clay.
That's fascinating.
Oh, my God, it all connects.
Um, listen, work's taking longer than I expected,
so I might not be home for supper.
Uh, well, whenever you're done,
uh, there will be a seat waiting for you
at the Ken Burns Theater.
Okay, that's great. Bye.
(epic music)
- Hi. - Hey.
- Who was on the phone? - Oh, it was nobody.
Khalid's just translating a hieroglyph for me.
"The sign of Osiris..."
- Lucy, we are so close. - (chuckles)
And yet so far.
I'll be taking the treasure.
Khalid! I trusted you.
That was your first mistake, Owen Quest.
(tense music)
♪ ♪
It appears this quest has come to an end!
♪ ♪
(glass shatters)
(sweeping romantic music)
- Are you okay? - I'm better than okay.
(wood splitting)
The Russians! Come on!
(gunfire)
♪ ♪
- Got a good grip? - Yep.
Hold on for the ride of your life.
MAN (on TV): Dearest Margaret,
the canvas ripped again.
At times, it seems my dream of building
an all-canvas shoe may never come to pass.
But, as ever, I toil on.
With everlasting love,
Archibald Converse.
Converse.
Like the shoe!
♪ ♪
I think we lost them.
I couldn't have done this without you.
♪ ♪
I have a boyfriend.
- Yeah. - Oh.
I didn't realize that.
- I don't think you mentioned it. - You know what, I didn't.
And I really, really should have. So I'm-I'm... I'm sorry.
Look, Lucy, I... I don't know what's going on
in your personal life right now, but...
I thought today was pretty exciting.
(sighs)
So did I.
I'd love to see where this can go.
- Okay, uh... - Don't decide now.
I've chartered a seaplane to leave from this dock
tomorrow morning at 8:00 a.m.
I hope you'll be on it with me.
♪ ♪
- (door opens) - Oh, hello. - Hi.
Sturdy looking toe caps on those lace-ups.
As they say, toe caps are the cobbler's best friend.
- I did not know that. - Yeah.
Nope.
(clear throat)
(halfheartedly mimics airplane)
Yes.
- The best. - Yeah.
- You okay? - Mm-hmm.
Yeah, no, I just... I'm just having trouble sleeping.
- Mm. - Yeah.
I'll make your chamomile, then.
Okay.
You could try melatonin too.
I know that four milligrams makes you a bit groggy,
so I could break it up for you.
You know what else might help? I have today's crossword puzzle.
And there's only one word filled in with pen,
which is almost certainly completely wrong.
Aside from that, it's brand new.
I know that always helps me fall asleep.
You're such a good guy.
(soft music)
Are you-are you sure you're okay?
Yeah. Yeah, no, it's just...
it's, um...
it's just work stuff, you know?
Is that the job thing from today?
Mm-hmm. It looks like there's a chance
it could turn into something really exciting.
But...
I'm not sure if I want to take the risk.
Well... (sighs)
You want to know what I think?
♪ ♪
Do it.
Go for it. Jump in with both feet.
Lucy, one of the things that I love about you
is how brave you are.
Carpe diem.
Problem solved.
(kettle whistling)
(epic music)
♪ ♪
Owen!
- Hi. - You came.
- I'm so glad. - Hey... oh.
I... Hey, hey, wait, I actually, um...
I just came to give you this.
It's your logo.
I've got a couple different color options
depending on whether you want to put it
on a submarine or a land vessel.
I take it you're not coming, then?
I'm sorry.
Don't you want a life of excitement?
Adventure, wonder?
Yeah, I really do. Um...
Just not with you.
I understand.
I suppose this quest...
has come to an end.
- Thank you for the design. - Yeah.
Oh, shoot, I don't actually have any cash.
Oh, it's okay, you can just Venmo me.
I don't have Venmo.
Oh, you know what?
Here.
Take this.
It's a stone totem from the Incan Empire.
Cool.
♪ ♪
Good-bye, Owen.
Good-bye, Lucy.
♪ ♪
To the great unknown!
(airplane engine roaring)
(gun clicks)
Ugh!
What are you still doing here?
Why aren't you on that plane?
Did you turn down the great Owen Quest?
Um, yeah.
Did you not see him? Did you not smell him?
He smells great, I just... I-I have a boyfriend, so...
Wow.
Your boyfriend must be the most exciting man
in the world.
(door opens)
- Hi. - Hey.
- Oh, neat thingy.
Oh, yeah.
Uh, you arrived just in time.
I'm just about to start the last episode.
Uh, "Shoes: The Future of Shoes."
Uh, do you want to watch it with me?
Um...
yeah, sure.
I'll, uh... I'll order some pad thai.
I'll get it for you.
Whoa!
(device clanking)
Look at that.
Whoa!
(device chimes)
- It's a map. - Stone the crows.
Uh, should... should we call someone
who knows how to handle something like this?
Like a gentleman adventurer?
Uh, yeah, no, definitely.
- Definitely could call someone. - Yeah.
Or...
I mean, we could follow the map.
Ser-Seriously?
- Like, us? - Yeah.
Yeah, why not? We could...
we could skip the pad thai
and go search for buried treasure.
Yeah.
Yeah, why-why not?
I mean, it's been a while since we went out.
- Really? You're up for it? - Of course.
Lucy, I'm up for anything, if it's with you.
(epic music)
- Got a good grip? - You bet I do.
Get ready for the ride of your life.
♪ ♪
- What a crazy night! - Oh, my God.
- That tomb... that mummy! - The mummy!
The mummy was super weird, right?
- Super, super weird. - He was super weird.
Remember when he was like, "Give me back my treasure!"
"You will cursed for all eternity."
- (growling) - Sounded just like that!
- It was just like that. - Oh, my God.
It was kind of too bad that all of our gold
turned to sand at the end there, though.
Yeah, yeah, indeed, but we learned
a pretty cool lesson about greed.
We did. That's true, we did.
- So... - Yeah.
NARRATOR (on TV): Will the shoes of tomorrow
be bigger or smaller? Wider or narrower?
Taller or shorter?
You know what?
I was thinking, what do you say
every Saturday you and I
get dressed up and go on a treasure hunt?
Or do something else fun?
Like try out that new beer garden on 9th
that just opened and looks cool.
- Really? - Yeah, really.
You know, I feel like maybe lately
we've been in a bit of a rut,
and, you know, I'll do my part to fix it.
Knee high or ankle high?
Roomy or tight?
No one can say, but across the board,
academics agree that shoes
will remain roughly the size of feet.
All right, is it just me, or is this thing really boring?
Really incredibly boring.
I was actually just thinking that.
Well, maybe we could do something else?
- Like what? - I have some ideas.
(rock music)
♪ Do you ever think about me now? ♪
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx www.addic7ed.com